Guilty Parent

I'm feeling unbelievably guilty right this moment. My heart is hurting... my stomach is upset... I've been on the edge of tears for the past hour... I feel like the world's WORST parent!!

Andrew (my 7-year old) went upstairs to bed alone. ALONE... by himself... without Laurie or I.

At first, I didn't think anything about it... he had been reading on the couch (Laurie and Savannah went up to bed together about 8:30 - Laurie has to get up very early tomorrow for a St Louis trip and Savannah had a slight fever). I let him stay up a little later than usual to finish a new "Treehouse" book. When he had finished (about 9:30) I told him it was time for bed... he changed into his pajamas, came over and gave me a hug, we said our "I love you's" and he ran on upstairs.

To repeat what I said above: "I didn't think anything about it." How could I NOT think anything about it????

If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're thinking, "What's the big deal? He's seven... he can go to bed on his own." And, if you are thinking that... you're right. He could. He can. He did.

But... to be quite honest... he's never done that before.

Laurie and/or I have always taken Andrew and Savannah to bed. Always. We have a routine we do every night with the kids...

Downstairs:

• Stories
• Bible time
• Kid's prayers

Upstairs:

• We pray with each child
• We sing a song for each child (lately Savannah wants Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children or Take Me Out to the Ballgame; Andrew ALWAYS wants Silent Night)

I still remember when Andrew was little and my sister Lori wanted to take him to bed when we were visiting at my parent's house. I said no... I still remember how surprised she was that I wouldn't let her.

But... It's a special time for us... for Laurie and I and for the kids, too. Andrew and I have had some of our BEST talks during that time. I always love to hear Savannah give some last giggles before I leave her room and a "Daddy, you're silly" and then a "Don't let the bed bugs bite" when I start down the stairs. I give a last reminder to Andrew not to read long and to turn his lamp off when he's done (he never remembers).

I missed that tonight... I truly missed it.

My heart is hurting... my stomach is upset... I've been on the edge of tears for the past hour.

And guess what? I just went up to check on Andrew (I had to try and remove some of my guilt feelings) and... he turned his lamp off when he was done reading. I didn't even remind him.

Our little boy is growing up.

Now... my heart is hurting more... my stomach is in knots... the tears won't stop.