To say the least, it's been an interesting last 2-3 weeks for me. I'm trying to "keep smiling" but... it's been hard. I'm pretty much caught up on planting annuals/tropical plants, but by now I'm usually more concerned with heavy maintenance, weeding, deadheading, perennial installation/replacement, hardscape work (light work... I usually don't do too much with stone... I'm a wimp). But, I'm usually NOT still concerned about planting annuals/tropicals by the last of June.
But, what's probably more frustrating than anything is how tired I've been. I have very little energy during the day. I can't really blame it on the heat, because we haven't really had that much of it. Take this week for example... the weather is pretty much PERFECT: high 70's - low 80's, sunny, light wind. But, by early afternoon I'm completely drained and out of energy. That's not me, especially this time of year and in this type of weather. I usually have no problem working until close to sunset mid-May to mid-June. But, I'm just not able to do it this year (which is nice, because I'm seeing the kids much more in the evening than prior years).
Also, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO sore. EVERY joint and muscle. Being on my hands and knees today was very difficult. I keep telling myself, "I'm ONLY 42, I can't feel like this."
Lastly... a lot of anxiety lately. Not necessarily feeling depressed, but anxiety and blah (it's hard to explain the difference). But, I'm not sure about what. I'm pretty sure it's business related, though. I think it's just a variety of things with my business this year... being behind with my palnting, getting business bookwork done, finances, unsure about the future (yes, I'm very unsure about continuing).
I was going to continue that last comment, but... I'm not sure really what to say. It's at the forefront of my mind much of the time, though. I seriously thought about it a couple of years ago (2006 being my last year), but... I kept going. 2007 went ok; I worked through some frustrations. I had an AWESOME winter and felt like I was REALLY ready for an excellent year this year. But, I'm not sure what happened... over the past month it all just seemed to fall apart.
But, the age old question is asked... "What else would I do?" Too far removed from banking to go back to that (not sure I'd want to anyway). Being away from it since 2002 has decreased my "value" significantly. The problem is... I don't feel like I have any time to really think it all thru. You'd think while I'm weeding, planting, watering, etc. that I'd have PLENTY of time to think. But... lately it's not constructive thinking.
Ok, it's late and I need to get to bed. I've taken my Aleve and hopefully it's going to kick in soon for a nice night's sleep.
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